Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded and carrots mayonnaise.

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-vegetable garden about as large and wise as a man's head.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.

It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to, and I would.

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

McDonalds announced it's considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn't it?

I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

Most vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children. A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do. (The Bachelor Home Companion.)